Rants about Life

I’ve gotten to the point in the semester where I am completely focusing on Calc 2 to pass this bitch, I refuse to have to take it agian…. -_- With that being said, I have really been giving thought to exactly what I want to do with my life and I can’t come up with an answer. I have no idea where to start looking for jobs, of course there are the usual indeed.com, craigslist, etc. etc. But a very smart person whose opinion I respect talked to me about this and basically just laid it flat out to me that you are not always going to be able to do what you love. It would be great if you could and make a living off of it, but I couldn’t even tell you what I love doing. I like learning new things and my curiosity is always peaked by something new. Anything athletic at all I’m usually game to try and that does include skiing, snowboaring, sky diving, wake boarding, wind surfing. I would like to be certified to scuba dive, I do want to climb a mountain, rock climb, etc. I do not know what all of this means to me, just that I have a HUGE thirst for new knowledge, new experiences, new adventures and new things. The same old same old gets too monotonous for me. I like to cook and I do like to clean a house that can actually stay clean for more than a few hours. I do not get it up my ass to clean anymore because my roommates are messy slobs and leave shit EVERYWHERE. Another thing that drives me nuts. I’m ready to live alone, so I’ve decided I’m going to look for full time jobs, since next semester I can’t be full time anyways and I would enjoy having the money to use and spend on things that actually do interest me. I feel that many people also do come to terms with the fact that is they’re going to do a job they don’t necessarily enjoy then they might as well live outside of it and do something with their lives. I’m not sure where to start looking or where to begin, but I’m definitely going to research it some more, also looking into teaching college courses and a masters degree. I still don’t want to necessarily give up statistics because ultimately I would be very happy if I ended up doing stats politically, but I think I got too caught up into wanting to make money that I wasn’t listening to where my true interests lie. I think I would really like to do research, but not the boring sit behind your desk all day research. Fuck I still don’t know what the hell I’m talking about or what I want to do. All I know is that I need to decide and try to get some sense of balance in my life. This is not where I wanted to be at 24 and I’m not sure if the societal constraints are pulling at me now to want to conform to a full time job and be doing what is expected at my age with my degree or what. But I’m really confused right now, burnt out on school and I think it would be wise for me to take a break from that and pursue some paper chasing. Also, the serving industry, I fucking hate. It just seems like a huge waste of time now that it’s the off season. You’re only making like half of what you normally would and they are still scheduling double the needed staff so that’s fucking even more with your money. Ugh :/

What do people who are so confused and have so many interests in so many different things do? I can’t really find anything. I could deal with a boring desk job as long as my life outside of the office if fulfilling and exciting.

However, I am looking for something with the opportunity to travel and something where I can research and learn about a lot of new things, particularly cultures, but not limited to outdoors, sports. I do like to read, I am a pretty good writer, aside from my blog where I am very erratic because I’m not actually sure if anyone really actually sits down and reads. I know that people follow me for my workouts and posts about that but as for rambles that I talk about and serious issues inside of my life I’ve only actually had 1 or 2 people notice those…. soooo….. I don’t know. But I am not happy with where my life is right now so I’m actively looking to change it, whether it’s putting school on hold until next fall, applying to the school of business or grad school, getting a full time job, etc. Something has to change. It’s driving me crazy where I’m at right now and just be absolutely lost to the future, no drive, no ambition, no aspirations. What the fuck is this?!


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