When People Expect Gifts From You

I have not been working the last 6 weeks. I quit my job because I hated it, I had enough money saved up and I was 6 months pregnant. I’m being a stay at home mom for at least the first year of my babies life, going back to school in the spring to finish my degree which should only take 3 semesters tops and then be on my way. My SO is supporting me through this time because he makes enough money to do so.

I was just talking on the phone with my aunt the other day and this is seriously one of my biggest pet peeves: when people expect you to get them gifts!!! She was already talking about what she wanted me to get her for Christmas.

An expensive ass bathroom set from Bed Bath & Beyond. Her husband would not let her buy them for their bathroom because he said it was a waste of money/too expensive to put in the bathroom. It’s literally S150 bath ensemble. I got the exact same one, buying piece by piece every paycheck and using the 20% off coupons I got through the store. But I was just kind of shocked that she seriously expected me to buy her a $150 bath ensemble for Christmas whenever she knows I have not been working, I don’t have any extra money, we’re going to have a newborn baby during this time and my boyfriend is footing the bill for all of our expenses – food, housing, utilities, gas, anything extra we might want to do.

I understand that she might feel entitled to it since she did buy the upcoming baby some expensive gifts such as a new swing and bed set. But at the same time, these are gifts! & she knows that I am not making any income nor will I be.

Her response to me not having any money: “well by that time you might have some money, you never know”.

If I had some money I’m not going to spend S150 of it on a Christmas gift for you. Even in the past my MAX amount of money I will spend on a gift is $50, just a rule I have.

I’ve bought the majority of my newborns things from yard sales; including ALL of her clothes, a jumper, carseat, bouncer. My mom is supposed to be getting me a crib for free from a coworker and everything else I’ve gotten I’ve used coupons or bought used.
So my frugality is really just shocked at this point. She knows that I don’t have any income coming in and won’t for the next year but miraculously I might have money by then….or expects my SO to get her this gift for Christmas whenever he’s supporting a family of 3 and we’re remodeling our house little by little….. I still am just BEYOND SHOCKED at this.

Each year it’s always the same with Christmas too: what did you get so and so? Aren’t you buying them anything they got something for you?…etc. etc.

Yes I do feel bad whenever someone buys me a gift and I didn’t plan on giving them anything in return because I did not expect a gift. One year I had 15 people to buy from whenever I was in school full time working a part time job. My main point of this is that: gifts should not be expected. People don’t always have the money for them and just because she buys gifts for roughly 5-6 people each year means she can get them nicer stuff; FINE. But don’t expect that everyone can spend that kind of money in return. With my boyfriend’s and my family combined we’re already expecting to buy gifts for 15+ people.
The capitalism of this world is really just baffling me. No one even celebrates the real reason for Christmas, Easter, etc. it’s just a gimme gimme gimme mentality that I disagree with completely. My SO and I have even gotten into an argument about it because I said that children who don’t believe in God or Jesus should not celebrate Christmas or Easter since they don’t believe in what those holidays are actually supposed to be about. He couldn’t believe that I thought children shouldn’t get presents because they don’t believe in God or Jesus……

That is just my personal opinion. Everything in this society has become focused on materialistic items, gifts and presents with no respect for earning things. I’m glad to say we don’t have cable and I’m glad that my kids are not going to grow up glued to the box and see all of the commercials for all the things that they are not going to have. We do not need nearly as much stuff as we think we do- we just want it and get brainwashed into thinking we have to have it.

Same thing with the swing and bouncer. I didn’t want both- mainly because I think it’s excessive. As soon as I figure out which one my baby prefers over the other I’m getting rid of the one that isn’t used. Just so much excessive things for the “convenience” factor. Welp, we can’t have anything baby or decor related laying around downstairs because our dogs eat it. You name it, they chew it, destroy it. Baskets, candles, coasters, cardboard boxes, shoes, yoga mats, play station controllers, hats, towels, blankets.

NONE of this can be downstairs AT ALL while the dogs are unsupervised so I really just don’t have the need for all of this junk because it will get ruined anyway. I’m kind of grateful (I will NEVER admit this to my SO) because it makes sure that I clean and put away EVERYTHING downstairs. A lot of people can’t understand why we still have these dogs either which is another BAFFLEMENT to me…. you get animals to keep as pets, you are expected to take care of these animals for their whole lives… you don’t just get rid of them because they won’t behave, they chew stuff up, etc. because they are an inconvenience to you. You have to change your habits and routines to make sure that they do behave themselves and be around enough to recognize patterns. We realized that one of our dogs only chews between the time my boyfriend leaves for work at 6 am and whenever I get up in the morning around 8-9 am…so now we kennel him during that time because otherwise we know he will find something to chew up. & guess what….no chewing since we recognized his routine!

Honestly, I am just distraught at what society is becoming. It’s a very sad world we are starting to live in now.

18 Weeks

Just now starting to show a little bit of a bump, mainly it is really my uterus sticking out above my bladder, but I’m carrying really low so most days I don’t even notice it. Awkward are the people that know that I’m pregnant that ask if I can feel it moving around in there yet and if they can feel it too.. Ummm no. Do not touch me please. I don’t even have a bump yet, even then I don’t want you to touch me. Respect my personal space. I’m very limited with my patience towards others in my private bubble. I’m not a very touchy person and I feel very awkward, even reacting very negatively and aggressively to get people out of my bubble.

However, I can feel the baby move now WITHOUT having a hand over my womb. It’s different than most people describe it but it’s a strange feeling to describe so I know they gave it their best efforts. Kind of like a hollow tapping. WEIRD. A little over 2 weeks until we find out the gender and have our first ultrasound. It kind of sucks that I know exactly how far along I am because of regular periods that we still have not had a sonogram or ultrasound, so this first one will be of a pretty well developed baby, not those weird peanut posts people put up. I’ve also refrained from posting too much about my pregnancy on social media, since I find it annoying when people non stop post about their baby and every photo is of their disgusting, dirty, snotty kids. No thanks. I don’t find that very cute. **Rolling my eyes over here**

Lifting tomorrow, I’ve switched to doing a full body workout so I don’t exhaust myself, apparently it’s not very good to do since your baby needs all of the nutrients and protein, not much room for growing your own muscles. I’ve gained about 4 pounds. I haven’t been keeping track of my waist size, but all of my pants and clothes still fit me pretty well other than bras, which unfortunately I’m about to have to go up a size for the 3rd time. WHEN DO THEY STOP?!?!

So far so good still, really easy pregnancy. I’m pretty high energy now, but I’m still short of breath, less volume in your lungs while you’re pregnant so I can never get that REALLLYYYY deep breath to let it all out. I’ve started doing a yoga video as well. I CAN work on improving flexibility so I’m going to stick with that through my pregnancy and maybe it will work out positively for me! 🙂 Even my boyfriend wants to try it.

Remodeling our house has come to a stand by. Some days I really just don’t feel like getting up and tearing down wallpaper. There really isn’t much to do, I think I could get it all done in one day, I’m just being lazy and I like to cook and clean on my days off too.

BUSY WEEK ahead of me, going to do blood work tomorrow morning, got a date with my boyfriend and some coworkers for dinner, a gym sesh planned.

I also have waxing appts for brazilian and underarm, I went ahead and paid for 6 underarms, get one free, it ends up saving you money and that way I don’t have to worry about it I can just schedule my appointments and get them done. I work Tuesday, Thursday, Friday also have a dentist appointment, it’s apparently important to get your teeth cleaned and an annual check up with the dentist to keep your teeth and gums healthy. Have a date with one of my boyfriends sisters to get MUCH NEEDED pedicures. Ugh I HATE clipping my toenails. My big toenails are always uncomfortable and I cut them too short, digging out ingrowns, and then when they grow out too long they hurt too.

We got our dogs neutered about 2 days ago. They’re sacks are swollen and they’re supposed to stay as calm as they can, however they don’t want to seem to listen to me tonight, with this lovely weather they want to run around in the yard and play, and we can’t let them do it for another 5 days or so. Otherwise though, I think they’re recovering ok. I was a little worried at first with how much bruising and swelling they had.

I even soaked up some sun for an hour this afternoon in the nice weather and moved all of my spring/summer clothes over. I can’t believe how many clothes I own……. I still have clothes at my townhouse I rent and the walk in closet here at my boyfriends house could overflow…I haven’t even moved shoes…I think I found out what I’m a hoarder with.

My niece turns 12 on St. Patrick’s Day, her birthday party is this Saturday and I’m driving up to my sister’s house to celebrate and give my sister her shower gift since the roads were too bad for me to make it to her baby shower. She’s due March 27th but they think she’ll go sometime this week.

Pregnancy definitely makes your life choices, priorities and decisions change. I’ll tell you that much.

I’m still eyeing the prize of a pitcher of margaritas for my birthday in August, but I’ve definitely been trying to strengthen my familial ties, and ensuring that my presence and friendship is worth it to those who matter. It’s also been ALOT more easy to save money, which I am horribly bad at. I’ve been trying to take 10% of my paychecks and put that into savings on top of any extra money that I earn that I do not immediately need. I did have a little spending spree when I got birthday gifts, my Vera Bradley diaper bag, massages for me and my boyfriend, etc. So I spent more money than I wanted to and now I’m being stingy, doing all of my research before I buy something and trying to get it on sale, use coupons, etc.

So hopefully if any good thing comes from pregnancy it will be me being better at handling money and bargain shopping LOL

TurboTax

So I’m really not the biggest fan of TurboTax, I’ve been using it the past 3 years since I started filing my own taxes and I personally think it sucks. It’s kind of confusing and it doesn’t tell you the charges for things until you get to the VERY end. Apparently, the federal and one state tax return is free. However, I paid for two state tax returns since I worked in another state other than where I reside this past year.

So I just find it annoying that every year I get suckered into paying for different things. I understand that the federal tax return is free. I even went through and did the free online e-file for Illinois, but ended up getting more money back even after subtracting the fee to file through Turbotax, so I did that. Hmm, I guess I just want to rant. I’ve been extremely bitchy today so things like this have just been setting me off.
Call it hormones or whatever but that still doesn’t change my outlook on things.

Catch Up

Alright so it’s been like a month since my last post. I didn’t really have anything too important to say and I’m not home very often so I just let it go.

Still been building/ trying to make gains. I’m really struggling with breakfast in the morning so today at the grocery store I’m going to get a bunch of stuff for shakes and hopefully that will hold me over for breakfast foods. I hate feeling super full and gross in the morning and I’ve NEVER been a huge breakfast fan, I don’t really even like breakfast food. :/ So I’ve had enough of struggling. I’m up 8 pounds in 5 weeks. My goal is for 12 more pounds in about 8 weeks but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to hit that or not.

I start training for a new job this week at another restaurant here on the IL side. I haven’t decided if I’m going to enroll in classes next semester or if I’m just going to work and travel. I’m pretty burnt out on school and I’m still not even sure if this is something that I really want to do. I thought so about a year and a half ago but it’s really not a priority of mine and I can’t see myself working full time yet because I want to go see quite a few friends who have moved away in Hawaii and Portland so I’m thinking next semester would be a good time to do that. I’m also playing around with taking one class next semester, (Calc II) to get my GPA up since I got a D in it, and I withdrew from all of my classes this semester since I was failing. I’ve really been lacking the drive in my life like I used to have so I’m really just trying to focus on being overall positive and figuring out what it is that I really want.

So that’s about all for right now.

Rants about Life

I’ve gotten to the point in the semester where I am completely focusing on Calc 2 to pass this bitch, I refuse to have to take it agian…. -_- With that being said, I have really been giving thought to exactly what I want to do with my life and I can’t come up with an answer. I have no idea where to start looking for jobs, of course there are the usual indeed.com, craigslist, etc. etc. But a very smart person whose opinion I respect talked to me about this and basically just laid it flat out to me that you are not always going to be able to do what you love. It would be great if you could and make a living off of it, but I couldn’t even tell you what I love doing. I like learning new things and my curiosity is always peaked by something new. Anything athletic at all I’m usually game to try and that does include skiing, snowboaring, sky diving, wake boarding, wind surfing. I would like to be certified to scuba dive, I do want to climb a mountain, rock climb, etc. I do not know what all of this means to me, just that I have a HUGE thirst for new knowledge, new experiences, new adventures and new things. The same old same old gets too monotonous for me. I like to cook and I do like to clean a house that can actually stay clean for more than a few hours. I do not get it up my ass to clean anymore because my roommates are messy slobs and leave shit EVERYWHERE. Another thing that drives me nuts. I’m ready to live alone, so I’ve decided I’m going to look for full time jobs, since next semester I can’t be full time anyways and I would enjoy having the money to use and spend on things that actually do interest me. I feel that many people also do come to terms with the fact that is they’re going to do a job they don’t necessarily enjoy then they might as well live outside of it and do something with their lives. I’m not sure where to start looking or where to begin, but I’m definitely going to research it some more, also looking into teaching college courses and a masters degree. I still don’t want to necessarily give up statistics because ultimately I would be very happy if I ended up doing stats politically, but I think I got too caught up into wanting to make money that I wasn’t listening to where my true interests lie. I think I would really like to do research, but not the boring sit behind your desk all day research. Fuck I still don’t know what the hell I’m talking about or what I want to do. All I know is that I need to decide and try to get some sense of balance in my life. This is not where I wanted to be at 24 and I’m not sure if the societal constraints are pulling at me now to want to conform to a full time job and be doing what is expected at my age with my degree or what. But I’m really confused right now, burnt out on school and I think it would be wise for me to take a break from that and pursue some paper chasing. Also, the serving industry, I fucking hate. It just seems like a huge waste of time now that it’s the off season. You’re only making like half of what you normally would and they are still scheduling double the needed staff so that’s fucking even more with your money. Ugh :/

What do people who are so confused and have so many interests in so many different things do? I can’t really find anything. I could deal with a boring desk job as long as my life outside of the office if fulfilling and exciting.

However, I am looking for something with the opportunity to travel and something where I can research and learn about a lot of new things, particularly cultures, but not limited to outdoors, sports. I do like to read, I am a pretty good writer, aside from my blog where I am very erratic because I’m not actually sure if anyone really actually sits down and reads. I know that people follow me for my workouts and posts about that but as for rambles that I talk about and serious issues inside of my life I’ve only actually had 1 or 2 people notice those…. soooo….. I don’t know. But I am not happy with where my life is right now so I’m actively looking to change it, whether it’s putting school on hold until next fall, applying to the school of business or grad school, getting a full time job, etc. Something has to change. It’s driving me crazy where I’m at right now and just be absolutely lost to the future, no drive, no ambition, no aspirations. What the fuck is this?!

Leg Day

The gym was super packed today, definitely going to try to remind myself NOT to go to the gym between the hours of 1-5.

Weighted lunges 3×8 each leg with a 70 pound barbell

Leg press     10×200     8×290     6×340     6×340     8×290

Calves on leg press     10×200     10×290     10×290

Straight leg romanian deadlift     8×60     8×60     8×70     8×80

Leg curl      8×25     8×30     6×35     6×35     8×25

Chest/Shoulder Day

incline Dumbbell chest press     10×25     8×30     6×35     4×35     6×30

Shoulder press     10×20     7×25     8×25     8×22.5     6×20

Chest press machine 10×50     8×60     8×70     7×70     10×30

Front raise     3×10 -10lb     2×10-12lb

lat raise     3×10-10lb     2×10-12lb

Scarecrows     10×10     10×12     10×15

Cable crossovers upward     8×10     8×10     8×10