Just breath…..

I’ve been feeling pretty stressed out lately, I’m dropping my physics class because starting out a week behind just really did not help me at all and I’m still basically failing, our first test is this Thursday and I’m flying out to California Wednesday, there are no make up exams, so that’s a definite 0, leading to an F in the course. Sooo that’s a no go for me. I guess I’ll just stay in Calc 2 and my other math class and have a light semester. I really need to pass calc 2 this time around and my other math class is pretty intense as well so hopefully I’ll have more motivation in those two. However, my first out of 4 calc 2 tests was horrible as well. I stayed up until 4 am studying and overslept, arriving to class 20 minutes late so I wasn’t able to complete it. I am very irresponsible sometimes. I still haven’t settled into a set routine and I think that’s what my problem is. Anyway, I have beyond to look forward to this coming weekend and seeing some of my good friends.

I’m also stressed because it was a slow weekend so I didn’t make as much money as I nearly did so I’m going to California a pauper. We were laughing on the phone because our whole group going to beyond is broke after paying for everything for this trip, (flight, hotel, rental car, beyond tickets, etc.). Looks like we’re ordering off the $1 menu! Ugh. Anyway, whenever I come back it’s pay day and my financial aid just went through for my classes, so I can pay off the rest of my rent for the year and settle more into classes instead of worrying about money so much. I usually use whatever is left from my school loans to pay my rent for the year so that’s one less thing to hassle with.

Last year I really wanted to transfer schools and go ahead and make the big move to Boston, but then I became severely depressed and scared to move somewhere so far away from everyone I know that I stayed here in podunk IL. Well I’m really going to be rethinking my decisions this semester and going to start making choices for myself and to make myself happy.

I was looking for a new job but I think I may just keep the one that I have and work a day or two more than just Friday & Saturday after I drop this class. I’m almost relieved because I was overwhelmed with the workload for physics. Next semester I will just have to tell myself I’m going to have to work ahead and keep up with everything.

I spread myself too thin sometimes and I’ve also had the added stress that my family stopped making my car payments, so I had the loan agency calling me every single day for two months back owed on my car :'(. I have NOT been having a great past few weeks.

So my goals for the rest of the year are these:

1. Dedicate at least 10 hours a week studying, doing homework, preparing for class outside of class.

2. Saving money so I don’t freak out when crazy circumstances happen. (mainly by not eating out, eating clean, meal prepping, continuing not going out drinking)

3. Establish a routine and stick to it.

4. Workout at least 4 times a week – max 5.

I think these are good goals to start with and are maintainable/doable.

I have a habit of procrastinating and doing homework the day it’s due and not preparing for class beforehand, and I think this would really help me out so I’ve seen the material 3-4 times before studying for a quiz/test.

I’ve also been sick this weekend, not sure if it’s allergies or a cold from the abrupt change in weather but I’ve been sleeping a lot and have had a pounding head ache the past 3 days, also picked up two shifts more than I usually do. & had my first complaint ever from some ratchet ghetto ass black bitches. Working in the serving industry seriously can make you think you’re racist sometimes, more times than most actually.

I just need some more me time until I get crazy into school and freak out. There’s a lot of other things going on, but I can talk about those later.

Just needed to breathe for a minute. Ahhhh